I Said This, You Heard That with Kathleen Edelman
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” - Ephesians 4:29
Have you ever wanted to take back words, maybe even right after saying them? We often use the phrase, “That came out wrong.” Kathleen Edelman joins us today to talk about getting communication right the first time.
Kathleen Edelman is the author of “I Said This, You Heard That: How Your Wiring Colors Your Communication.” She is certified in Biblical Studies and Christian Counseling Psychology and has spent more than 30 years coaching clients in the art of communication.
Temperament vs. Personality: What’s the Difference?
Many of us think of communication in terms of personality, but temperament is actually a concept rooted in ancient studies by Hippocrates. While personality is shaped by factors like life experiences and birth order, temperament is hardwired and unchangeable—like your eye color or fingerprint.
Temperament defines how we naturally respond to various situations. Understanding it can transform how we approach everything, from relationships to finances.
The Four Temperaments: What Are They?
Kathleen’s work breaks down temperaments into four distinct categories, each with its own language and motivations. Here's a brief overview:
- Sanguine (Yellow): These individuals are motivated by people and fun. Their financial goals are often tied to exciting future plans, like saving for a dream vacation.
- Choleric (Red): Cholerics are goal-driven visionaries. Give them a financial target, and they’ll hit it with precision, always eager to set the next goal.
- Melancholic (Blue): Melancholics crave safety and order. They plan meticulously, ensuring that they are financially prepared for all eventualities.
- Phlegmatic (Green): Phlegmatics seek harmony and tend to have a laid-back attitude toward money. They are often the most challenging to get on a budget but can be motivated by long-term, meaningful goals.
Communication and Finances: The Connection
Understanding your own temperament—and that of your spouse or financial advisor—can lead to more effective communication, especially when it comes to managing money. For example, if you are married to a melancholic, they’ll want to feel financially safe, which means they’ll be focused on saving and planning for the future. Conversely, a sanguine needs a fun or people-centered motivation to stick to a financial plan.
By learning to "speak" each other's language, couples can create harmony in their finances, much like they do in other areas of their relationship.
Strengths, Weaknesses, and Innate Needs
Each temperament has a set of strengths and weaknesses. While our weaknesses may seem burdensome, they help us appreciate and manage our strengths. For example, a melancholic’s focus on safety can sometimes lead to anxiety, but when managed well, it ensures a secure financial future.
Another concept we should familiarize ourselves with is "innate needs"—non-negotiable motivators that drive each temperament. Knowing these needs can improve communication and reduce conflict in relationships, particularly when discussing money.
Ephesians 4:29 reminds us:
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
Let’s choose our words wisely, building others up according to their temperament and needs.
A Path to Stronger Communication and Financial Harmony
Understanding your temperament and how it colors your communication can profoundly impact your relationships and finances. God has wired each of us uniquely, and by recognizing and respecting these differences, we can better serve and love one another—especially when it comes to managing our money.
If you're ready to explore the connection between temperament and communication further, Kathleen’s book I Said This, You Heard That: How Your Wiring Colors Your Communication is available wherever books are sold.
If you’re interested in going deeper, the book also includes a workbook designed to be completed over six weeks. Through this six-week study, complete with videos and exercises, Kathleen helps individuals and couples uncover their temperaments, allowing for countless “aha” moments. You can also take the Temperament Assessment to discover your unique temperament and learn how to communicate more effectively with others.
Whether navigating a marriage, managing finances, or simply trying to understand your communication style, this resource offers practical tools for lasting change.
On Today’s Program, Rob Answers Listener Questions:
- I've messed up my life with credit card debt, auto loans, and furniture loans. I want to clean up my financial life and live debt-free as soon as possible. Where do I start?
- Is there a maximum that you can give in an RMD and a calendar year?
Resources Mentioned:
- I Said This, You Heard That: How Your Wiring Colors Your Communication by Kathleen Edelman
- Look At The Sparrows: A 21-Day Devotional on Financial Fear and Anxiety
- Rich Toward God: A Study on the Parable of the Rich Fool
- Find a Certified Kingdom Advisor (CKA) or Certified Christian Financial Counselor (CertCFC)
- FaithFi App
Remember, you can call in to ask your questions most days at (800) 525-7000. Faith & Finance is also available on the Moody Radio Network and American Family Radio. Visit our website at FaithFi.com where you can join the FaithFi Community and give as we expand our outreach.